How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize