I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
