So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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