Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize