PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
