I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
