Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
