My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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