how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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