Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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