If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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