piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
