And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
