My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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