im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
