Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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