Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
