she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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