im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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