Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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