Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
