I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
