so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
