I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
