y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
