Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
