i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
