Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
