Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
