I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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