I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want to make out with him forever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize