I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
