I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
