question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
