i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize