i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
