He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
