you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm passing your future prison.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize