Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
