YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
