Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
