Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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