there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
