did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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