I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
