dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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