when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
