I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
