WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
