She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
