Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
