I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
