She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
