talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize