I faked an abortion last night.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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