She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
