Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
