But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
