I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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