the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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