is your mom at the bar?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
