don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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