Do you still have your period?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
