I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
