You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
