If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
