My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
