Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
