I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
