Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
