Already got asked if we're dating
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
handjob tips. give me some.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
