Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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