Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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