I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
