YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
