apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize