Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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