you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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