so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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