He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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