Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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