Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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