you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
