that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you will always have a special place in my vag
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
