apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is wine microwaveable?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
